Radio Sketch - Smut Scrabble

Well hello there. At uni there are two things I currently write for - a stage sketch show and a radio sketch show. Here is a radio sketch I wrote earlier today and am in fact, rather proud of.

Commentator #1: Hello and welcome to Scrabble Live!

Commentator #2: Yes, you join us as we are about halfway through the grand final. Competition of course, has been fierce all week and the finalists are really at the top of their game.

Commentator #1: Up now is Rack from Sweden and we must say now that she is wearing some quite beautiful shoes.

Commentator #2: Yes, they really are a beautiful pair. Rack also has a wonderful...err...set of tiles in front of her, I’m unsure what she will play here though. She’s got them in her hand now and she’s tossing them about. Her opponents today really enjoying her wrist action.

Commentator #1: And there we have it! Orgasm! An Orgasm has come out from Rack. Very impressive, she looks satisfied with that. That’s 12 points with the M earning double.

Commentator #2: Onto Davis from Wales. Possibly the most gifted player but his tiles leave a lot to be desired. He won’t get a lot here. He’s wincing at the prospect...

Commentator #1: Oh and there we have it! Come! Come all over the board. He has been producing come throughout the tournament. Almost his get out of jail free card. His opponents don’t look to happy.

Commentator #2: Rack’s orgasm a thing of the past as Davis’s come adds some much needed excitement. Rack wipes her brow as a result. Quite magnificent from Davis. I have never seen come used in such a way. Earns himself 11 points there with double letter on the C.

Commentator #1: Ah now here’s the big man. Almost dumbstruck by the wham bam of orgasm and come from his competitors. This is Big Boris. Boris Yashvelli of course, hailing from Russia. Come has almost been placed in such a way by Davis that Big Boris’s letters are in a mess. What can he do here?

Commentator #2: Well he’s got a P and an N...oh there we go! He has whipped it out! Big Boris! Wow!

Commentator #1: Yes, there’s penis now on the board. Fantastic from Big Boris. He just went for it there. In his excitement a few tiles have been shaken from the board. A huge one for Boris. Rack is impressed. He has put the Penis in such a way that is passing through Rack’s balloons from earlier. Rack absolutely ravaged by that.

Commentator #2: Yes, almost came as a surprise to Rack who was sipping her coffee. Davis can’t believe it. His come was so good but Boris’s penis more than impressed. And it is large enough to move Boris into the lead. Can’t say I’m surprised. He really did just showcase his brilliance there. Just whipped it out.

Commentator #1: Wel that’s the thing about Boris. He could have shrivelled up under pressure but no. As hard as you like, he remains stiff competition.

Commentator #2: Well yes, quite literally. And so to our fourth player, we haven’t spoken much about him. I’m not sure if we can say this on live radio but known as the man with three balls, due to his unusual name. I can’t really pronounce it, umm, Uji Nik-a-blok-ov?

Commentator #1: Yes, Uji Nikabolokov. From Prague. His letter are no good at all. Oh no. Oh dear. He’s just let that one out.

Commentator #2: Yes, lowered the tone with that. Fart. It’s this sort of thing that really stinks. Loud and proud, Uji just stunk the place out with that one. A real shame. A horrible word as I am sure we all agree when he could have rearrange the letters and placed Raft.

Commentator #1: He could have placed his raft between, err let me see, between Davis’s buttocks from earlier.

Commentator #2: Brilliant play from Davis when he shoved buttocks onto the board. But this from Bolokov? Horrible play. To put it simply, his fart stinks. Haha!

Commentator #1: Please don’t lower the tone of the commentary with silly puns.

Pause.

Commentator #1: Oh, I hear there is news in the Tennis at Wimbledon! We’ll just go there now.

Commentator #3: Yes! The Scottish player Condom. Condom has broken...

Fade out.