A sketch - The Chat

So I have had a disagreement over the inclusion of a sketch in a radio show. I think it's hilarious. They don't think it'll work. Judge for yourself.

Note that the two main voices sound like lower class chav style voices.

The Chat

Ringing...

Dazza: Hello is that-

Jase: Dazza?!

Dazza: Jase? IS that you?

Jase: Oh mate! How’s it going? What’s up man?

Dazza: Oh this is mental! Haven’t spoken to you in what...a while. God!

Jase: Yeah so what’s going on dude?

Dazza: Well you know, this and that. Got a new bird on the go. Clarissa. She’s top man.

Jase: Ace.

Dazza: Yeah and err...living in Weston Road. Nice little place there. Hooked up the old hi-fi the other day. Pretty sweet.

Jase: Nice, nice...

Dazze: So what about you Jase, me old man? How’s it going?

Jase: Oh mate! Oh mate, OH MATE! What can I say? Life is good! Got a kid!

Dazza: A kid?

Jase: Yeah! With Gemma. Felix. He’s cute as hell. Ah man.

Dazza: That’s great! Proper good, dude.

Jase: Yeah...oh God we should have a beer!

Dazza: Yeah, that’d be awesome. Oh man! My old buddy Jase on the phone! (to someone else) My old buddy Jase! Come say hi..come on.

Lisa: I don’t want..hello?

Jase: Haha! Oh God! Hello?

Pause.

Dazza: Me again mate! Oh that’s Lisa! Work colleague. Oh she’s scowling at me now. Proper scowling! Ah she’s mental.

Jase: Classic mate, classic.

Dazza: Yeah! So where were we?

Jase: A beer!

Dazza: Yes! Do you still know Ricky B?

Jase: Yeah.

Dazza: Text him man. He’s got my number. I mean I should probably be telling you about this thing anyways.

Jase: Oh, I guess so then. What’s the deets?

Dazza: (suddenly serious) right we need an ambulance over to 43 Wellington Road. Possible cardiac arrest. 50 year old male with breathing problems and we need an ambulance there quick.

Jase: On my way.




So that's it. Maybe I'm biased but I think the punchline is really pretty strong. But I want to know...It doesn't make to much difference as I'm taking it to Edinburgh but yeah...

Tiger Woods

So Tiger Woods has got himself into a bit of a kerfuffle seemingly. And now he is taking a break from golf as a result of his infidelity. I wonder what he'll do with all that free time on his hands now? Hmm...

But it has got me thinking, since he won't be playing golf next year, what will the annual Tiger Woods game be like for the PS3, Wii, 360, etc? Presumably you'll get to play the role of Woods as usual, but it'll turn a bit like Grand Theft Auto. Smashing your car into trees, attack with golf clubs and obviously cruising for hookers.

Sounds like a best seller to me.

Sketch - Crabbing a Car

So every now and again, I write bits for a sitcom idea I have had for a while involving Gary and Steve. They form the basis of a sitcom called Alright, of which I have written two episodes. It's a surreal comedy I guess. Anyway here is a snippet from the third episode of just one of their conversations...

Gary: Alright

Steve: Not bad. You?

Gary: Yer, just got back from crabbing a guy’s car. Y’know the guy down the road who was pissing me off?

Steve: Crabbing his car?

Gary: Yer just putting crab all over his car basically.

Steve: What does that achieve?

Gary: Well just imagine you found crab paste spread all over your windscreen and roof.

Steve: That’s a pretty expensive way to get your own back.

Gary: It’s about a five pound fifty prank.

Steve: Cool, well fair enough. I was just going to go out. Want to come?

Gary: Where?

Steve: Just out. Town, maybe.

Gary: Yeah okay.