Mouse Trap Execution

Following in the footsteps of my recent (let's face it )quite intriguing posts, I have decided to continue the tradition. Recent posts are below. Suicide bombers, rape and interesting musing on school massacres and Cluedo in the McCann family. Classic stuff.

So now I am going to put forward a revolutionary idea for you to consider.

Mouse Trap Execution.

Some of us are against the death penalty, and some are for it. And some aren't really sure...maybe it should be for the worst murderers only, but the rest can rot in jail. Well here is a 'fun' way to solve the problem.

Mouse Trap Execution.

It's simple. Any criminal on death row is sent for execution. Every execution is done by electric chair. And if you don't like that, tough. You lost the right to choose when you shot that lady in the head Mr Death Row. And you have probably had enough needles to last a lifetime. I don't want you thinking your death is some kind of last minute heroin shot. (I digress into stereotype. Apologies.) Anyway, the electricity only occurs once the mouse trap has been completed.

I may be losing you. I apologise again. Remember that game you played as a kid? Everyone picks a coloured mouse...and the losers all get trapped in a cage once you do the whole turn the cog wheel...ball...hand..diver in bucket thing...

Well... that.

Mouse Trap only ever worked about a third of the time. Maybe less. So sit the criminal down, make them turn the wheel and let Mouse Trap decide. If it fails then the guy on death row lives out his life in jail. If it works then the bloke dies, but we all get to revel in the fact that Mouse Trap actually worked.

The diver actually hit the bucket! (That was always the one that'd screw it up...) And a murderer is dead! Yay!

You could bet on it too, bringing in much needed revenue to the country.

So ladies and gentlemen trust me on this. Mouse Trap Executions are where it's at.

Now who's with me?

Offensive? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

I don't know if anyone else thinks this but I think you may start thinking it now if you never have before.

Basically, I often watch the news and quite often, far more often than there should really be, there is a story about rape and I think, 'Oh that's pretty bad.' And then they show a picture of the victim of the rape and my thought process changes to '...really?'

More often than not, the victim of the rape really isn't that fantastic looking which completely confuses me. If you were going to rape, and I don't advise you do, you may as well go out on a high. But most of the time I sit there questioning who the hell would rape...that.

I know it sounds harsh, and that's because it is. But then life is harsh. And that's the beauty of it.

So from my investigations, what I can gather is basically if you do not want to be raped, make yourself look stunning and out of the rapist's league. Since they clearly have leagues and it seems to stop at Conference level.

I wonder...

Here's a query.

Do Kate and Gerry McCann still play Cluedo?

Essays to Suicide Bombers

Let's see what I come out with here.

'Hi.

So I'm a student. Are you all students? Yeah? Anyone got any deadlines looming? Yeah? And yet you thought you'd waste a night coming here. Nice plan, dude. I mean...it's only three and a half grand we're wasting.

A YEAR.

Well...I only ask because I'm here when I have an essay deadline looming. It's five days away but I think that's okay. Would everyone agree with me that that's okay? Yeah. Five hours and then you may question it. But five days is fine.

God did some amazing work in five days. I mean some of it's shoddy, let's not lie. France was a particularly bad idea. And putting Germany next to Poland on the map. I mean, he's meant to be all knowing so surely he knew what was going to happen there. When you think about it, God didn't really think it through. He put all the close rivals next to each other on the global map. What a tool. I mean putting Palestine next to Israel was just asking for trouble. We know what they're like.

I think it's hard for us as a nation to understand what is going on in Palestine and Israel. My friend once tried to put it into context by saying with a shake of his head, 'Suicide bombers. They're fucking everywhere.' Well...no they're not. I mean they are there but not for long. So, I'm not really sure if they are a set group of people really.

But I think it'd be weird if we had suicide bombers in the UK because the way I see it, the UK just wouldn't care.

'What's happened sorry? He's blown himself up? Well what did he do that for? It's not like the train's never going to arrive, it's just a few minutes late.'

Well, I feel I have procrastinated from my essay enough and I have no idea how I got onto talking about suicide bombers after intending to write about essays as I am stuck on one as I type. But there we go.

Controversial - School Shootings

Today I came up with a stand up skit which I think is just plain controversial. Possibly offensive. Well, almost certainly offensive. I'm not really sure.

Simply put, I was thinking about that Silent Witness episode a week and a bit ago, where there is a uni shooting and how odd it was that only the shooters knew their way around the uni perfectly, when even the Dean and Leo had differing on opinions on how to get from place to place.

So...my magic mind conjured up a humorous alternative look at the thought process of the shooters and it concludes with a mime and belief process that the characters in fact only wanted to kill one person during their school massacre, and they then tried to run away but got lost on their escape.

Realising they can't find the exit, they shoot every person that comes near them because they might get told on for shooting and killing other members. The whole thing escalates obviously until the shooter itches his head with his gun, in disbelief that they cannot find the exit to get away...when doing this he accidentally shoots himself through the head.

Thus ends the skit. As you can see, it's fairly controversial but...I don't know...the controversy that it could create is kind of why I like it...