Here is a sketch about stereotypes...
Steve: All right Bruce?
Bruce: Ah, g’day Steve. How’s it going?
Steve: Not great. I just read an article about how people stereotype Australia.
Bruce: Oh i hate that. They have these ideas about us and...hey can I get you a beer?
Steve: Ah cheers man. Fosters?
Bruce: Or 4X.
Steve: Nah, Fosters for me.
Bruce: There ya go.
Steve: Ta.
Bruce: So stereotyping?
Steve: Yeah...oh I’ve just noticed your hat.
Bruce: Ah check out those corks. Quality, eh?
Steve: It’s great! So how’s Sheila?
Bruce: She’s good, yeah...oh hang on that reminds me. Sheila! Could you put some more shrimp on the barbie?
Steve: And the kids?
Bruce: They’re great. Out every day with our kangaroo, Skippy. Solving crimes, that sort of thing.
Steve: Oh that’s cool.
Bruce: So what about you?
Steve: I'm going to watch Crocodile Dundee later.
Bruce: Nice! I love Crocodile Dundee. Great documentary.
Steve: I’ve also got my trip to Uluru tomorrow with the family. Meet the old Aborigines.
Bruce: Yeah! Nice. I love Ayers Rock. And how’s Sheila?
Steve: She’s fantastic. Absolute ripper. She’s swimming with Flipper at the moment and then tomorrow when I’m at Uluru, she’s going to be singing at the Opera House.
Bruce: Oh that’s cool!
Steve: With our old mate Rolf Harris!
Bruce: Awesome!
Steve: Yeah, not before we see the little one play the Dame Edna 7th Annual Beach Volleyball tournament though. Should be cool.
Bruce: Excellent. So anyway have you been watching the cricket? Or the rugby?
Steve: No, Sheila’s been addicted to bloody Neighbours and Home & Away the past few days. Plus the koala’s keeping us up. It’s just not getting on with the platypus at all.
Bruce: Ah that’s a shame.
American: G’day boys!
Steve: See this is what I mean!
Bruce: Stereotyping! We never say that. I suppose you think we have knives like these on us all the time too.
American: Ha! That’s not a knife! This is a knife!
Steve: What? Jesus! That’s a gun! Get your podgy finger away from it!
American: Huh?
BANG
Showing posts with label australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label australia. Show all posts
Friday, 26 March 2010
Friday, 12 June 2009
A stand-up thought
I had a thought tonight. Yes, a real one. My thought surrounded the start of world war 3 and what I'd do if it ever happened. I'd like to say I put lots of thought into whether I'd sign up or not but I didn't. It took about 3 seconds for me to come to the conclusion of 'fuck that'.
I wouldn't of course, not be helping at all. I would just help the war effort in other, less dangerous ways. I'd offer to protect Bournemouth beach for instance. Deckchair, sunglasses and suncream included. During Winter and at night time, I'd probably hire someone to do it for me. I wuldn't not do anything during Winter either though, oh no!
During Winter, I'd pop over to Australia and protect the allies beaches. That's me, going that extra mile, or in this case, 10,650.6 extra miles on top of that original mile. All for free to the British taxpayer in exchange for a nice flight over.
The probem with modern warfare these days is that there just isn't a checkpoint, is there? You can't respawn if you make a mistake. You can't work out that you have been fighting for 4 or so hours and are therefore halfway through the war. I say that's a problem with mordern warfare but it's pretty much a problem with all warfare, ever invented.
Unless of course you own a time travelling DeLorean, in which case you can kind of work out exactly what will happen.
"Ah, this is Dunkirk, this is a hard level!"
Talking of Back to the Future, I have a problem with that film. Well, the second one anyway. I recently watched it and had to re-watch it to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. But seriously, if you watch it really closely there is a massive mistake. Huge. They go to 2015 and not once did Marty McFly shake.
Seriously though, if Michael J Fox doesn't win the Oscar in 2015 for that performance, he'll have been robbed. Which incidentally, is a lot easier to do to him these days. Except in an Earthquake, that puts everyone on a level playing field. In fact, if there is an earthquake then it gives a chance for Michael J Fox to steal from others.
How would you know if he is scared of a horror film?
"He's shaking!"
"He does that anyway...Michael, I want a drink, here's some flavoured milk and ice cream. See what you can make with those ingredients."
Truth be told, not a lot. I thought milkshake and you no doubt thought the same. No. It went everywhere.
So yeah, I've given Michael J Fox a lot of flack here, somewhat harshly. But ah, he should be able to shake it off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there you go. As i started writing this, I had only got up to the Bournemouth beach part. I have actually written a good minute or two of material there. That I'll doubtfully ever use. Whoops. But if people actually do find this funny then...who knows, one day.
I wouldn't of course, not be helping at all. I would just help the war effort in other, less dangerous ways. I'd offer to protect Bournemouth beach for instance. Deckchair, sunglasses and suncream included. During Winter and at night time, I'd probably hire someone to do it for me. I wuldn't not do anything during Winter either though, oh no!
During Winter, I'd pop over to Australia and protect the allies beaches. That's me, going that extra mile, or in this case, 10,650.6 extra miles on top of that original mile. All for free to the British taxpayer in exchange for a nice flight over.
The probem with modern warfare these days is that there just isn't a checkpoint, is there? You can't respawn if you make a mistake. You can't work out that you have been fighting for 4 or so hours and are therefore halfway through the war. I say that's a problem with mordern warfare but it's pretty much a problem with all warfare, ever invented.
Unless of course you own a time travelling DeLorean, in which case you can kind of work out exactly what will happen.
"Ah, this is Dunkirk, this is a hard level!"
Talking of Back to the Future, I have a problem with that film. Well, the second one anyway. I recently watched it and had to re-watch it to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. But seriously, if you watch it really closely there is a massive mistake. Huge. They go to 2015 and not once did Marty McFly shake.
Seriously though, if Michael J Fox doesn't win the Oscar in 2015 for that performance, he'll have been robbed. Which incidentally, is a lot easier to do to him these days. Except in an Earthquake, that puts everyone on a level playing field. In fact, if there is an earthquake then it gives a chance for Michael J Fox to steal from others.
How would you know if he is scared of a horror film?
"He's shaking!"
"He does that anyway...Michael, I want a drink, here's some flavoured milk and ice cream. See what you can make with those ingredients."
Truth be told, not a lot. I thought milkshake and you no doubt thought the same. No. It went everywhere.
So yeah, I've given Michael J Fox a lot of flack here, somewhat harshly. But ah, he should be able to shake it off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there you go. As i started writing this, I had only got up to the Bournemouth beach part. I have actually written a good minute or two of material there. That I'll doubtfully ever use. Whoops. But if people actually do find this funny then...who knows, one day.
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