Walking

Well here's an idea I have been thinking about for a while...and a few times I have actually mentioned it in conversation, people seem to agree and if they don't, well, they still seem to laugh anyway.

The problem I have is a simple one. I walk everywhere. That doesn't sound like a huge problem but it really is. And this is why.

When I walk down the street and I see someone of...say, a different ethnicity, I am not entirely sure what to do. They are walking towards me and I am therefore, fairly obviously walking towards them. The problem I have, is that I have no idea where to look. If I look at them, I presume they are thinking "Why the fuck is he looking at me? Racist motherfucker." Whereas if I then look away to rectify this situation, I think they are wondering why I am not looking at them. "What's so bad about me that he can't even look at me? Racist motherfucker." It's a conundrum.

Obviously, my problem is not limited to skin type. It also happens if I am walking towards a group of girls, to be honest, just one girl. No matter how attractive they are. If they are not exactly God's finest work, I think looking away will make them feel bad, however if I look at them they may think I am perving on them. Yes, even if they are so unattractive it actually stings my eyes to look at them. but I'm a nice guy so the whole looking away to lower their moral thing really does bother me. Now, if it's an attractive female, then looking at them clearly indicates I am a pervert, and looking away will just make them question why I am looking away, lead to an unnecessary diet, which in turn leads to anorexia and death before the age of 30. And it'd all be my fault. Don't even get me started on the non-Caucasian female members of the species. In theory, they should cancel each other out but if anything it makes it worse.

Okay so that covers differing skin colour to me and differing gender to me. You may think that covers everything. Not a chance. Midgets are problematic. Or dwarfs? What do they like to be called? I have no idea. Anyway, it makes no difference - they are an absolute nightmare to come across when walking down the street. For one, you may not even see them until you are tripping over them. Just kidding. But with them, I don't know where to look. I could look at them, but they'd just presume I'm looking at them because of their height or lack thereof. Touché. Or I can look away, but again, they may think I am looking away because I don't want to look. Which is kind of the point. But why shouldn't I want to look? They are human after all. If I look away they may think I am not looking because I don't feel comfortable looking at them. You see my point. Pretty much all people labelled as disabled are hard to deal with for this very reason. Except blind people, as they wouldn't be able to see whether you are looking at them or not. Actually, with blind people you need to follow a different set of rule which is simply watch out for that pesky fucking stick. Trust me, it hurts.

You may think that is all. But nope. Bring in the police force. If I see the police walking towards me, I get so unbelievably nervous. It really is unbelievable. Basically because I haven't done anything wrong every time I see them. I am like, "Shit! A police officer. Act natural." Now, I don't do drugs so if they searched me I'd be fine. Yet, I am always nervous. Problem is, how does one act natural? Do I look them in the eye as I walk past? Is that natural? I remember I once averted my eyes and whistled. Actually whistled. Like the characters in cartoons do if they have acted suspiciously. Somehow thinking whistling makes you instantly on the straight and narrow. Is looking at police suspicious? Or do they think it's suspicious if you look away? The mind boggles.

Maybe I am over analysing everything but imagine for a moment I turn the corner of my road and see an Oriental female police officer with a height deficiency. What the heck would I do then? I honestly don't know. I could pretty much do anything though as I doubt she'd be able to catch me up...

Or maybe I should just buy a car?