Dear J D Wetherspoon...

Hello customer service team,

I hope you are all having a good day. I am writing to simply enquire why on Earth the Mary Shelley pub in Bournemouth has a 'no trainers' policy on a Saturday night. It's extremely odd considering it is essentially just a pub. The Moon in the Square nearby doesn't have this policy and neither does the Christopher Creeke. In fact, neither do any of the other clubs nearby who I would perhaps expect to have a 'no trainers' policy. So why do you? It makes very little sense in my opinion and this is for three rather brilliant reasons.

The first is that trainers actually have more grip on those slippery floors. If you're a pub then you shouldn't really have a slippery floor anyway but many clubs do. If you are a club then surely wearing trainers is fantastic for health and safety. You can thank me when you change your policy and thus prevent any unfortunate hospital related incidents.

The second reason is that many people around us were wearing what can only be described as a millennium shell suit. A kind of 2010 version of its 1980's predecessor. Hoodies were worn as well but because they wore some fairly nice shoes they were allowed in. So if this is an image thing, which I think it probably is, why did the bouncers let these people in? Very odd.

My third and final reason is probably the best reason of all. You know when you walk into an establishment, say a shop or a hospital or even a pub like in this case, and instantly look to the floor making sure to take in what everyone is wearing on their feet? No? Yeah, neither do I or anyone I know. I can honestly say that upon entering a pub or club I have never taken note of what anybody is wearing on their feet. This is because the bar isn't at foot level but eye level. Why would anyone look around at what is on people's feet? It's the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard in my life. If I did look at the footwear of everybody else in any given establishment, I very much doubt I'd freak out over a pair of trainers either. My reaction would probably be 'fair enough'. I think 99% of people would have this reaction as well so why do you even enforce this policy?

I look forward to hearing your feedback on all three of my reasons for removing this rule. If you can suggest a decent comeback for all three of my points then fair enough but remember if you contest the first reason then you are essentially saying you don't care about the health and safety of your customers. Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger.

That is all for now. Don't even get me started on the differing prices for sausages, chips and beans around the country...

Kind regards,

Henry Fosdike