Rebound/Luck

Okay, this is a routine I have been working on recently in my head. I have probably forgotten parts as I came up with it about a week ago, even before the fillings one in fact. It may get pretty long...so bear with me. It's an intro piece by the way...hence the beginning.

'Hello, and yes, it really is me and yes, I really am this good looking. Of course, that last bit I don't really believe, only a wanker could think that highly of themselves. If you are sitting there now thinking, "But I'm good looking and I'm not a wanker..." Then think of this as a free newsflash for you.

Of course it's a shame that so many good looking people are pricks, because let's be honest, most of us have lost out to them when chasing after a person who we really rather like. It's a plus in the end though, as you always know that person will be back on the dating scene soon enough once she realises what everyone else already knows. Now, many people's response to you going after someone is that, 'They'll be on the rebound." They say this like it's a bad thing. I know the rules of football and even if you scored on the rebound, it does count.

Now I went for this approach, simply after a rebound result so to speak, yes I coined that, and before I could tell her how I felt she said to me, "You know what, any girl would be so lucky to have you as their boyfriend." At that point my heart wasn't beating, it was jumping about ona little trampoline doing somersaults. I was leaping over the bloody moon. I thought that this would be a dead cert. So, I told her how I felt and she let me down lightly..."It's just...I think we should remain friends."

Woah! Woah, woah, woah. Let's just backtrack a few minutes. "Any girl would be so lucky." You said that! 'ANY' GIRL. YOU CAN BE THAT GIRL! BE LUCKY! I'M LETTING YOU BE LUCKY!" She wasn't budging. So I stepped it up a bit. "There are 3 billion women on this planet, and out of all these girls, who could be so lucky, I have chosen you. So how does that make you feel?"

She took a step back at this point, and said, "Like I'm giving somebody else a chance." I thought fair enough, she is being kind to the legions of other women out there. But later that night I realised she wasn't talking about me as I realised she gave my mate Dave a chance. And he took it. So I re-evaluated as I watched them making out. Any girl...any of the girls out there."

Now at this point of the thought-process I have two possible punchlines. They are:

"So I took it upon myself and raped her mum."

AND

"So I became a paedophile...and let me be honest it was bit tight for a while but I'm easing into it."

But I don;t know if I want to be offensive. I can't think of any other way to end that joke. Except for maybe something simple like, "So I left them to it, downed my drink and went and punched a good looking bloke, which made me feel a heck of a lot better." But who knows...